I have long noticed that when we attempt to tackle the subject of bullying, we tend to bully the bully and put the bully outside of the circle of all children who need guidance, mentoring and integrated education. I am impressed by the level of expertise and good advice, good books and strategies that are out there to teach the parents and educators how to protect our children from bullies. For example see what Dr. Laura Markham says on her website. Or visit STOPBULLYING.GOV to see what government suggests to protect your child against the bully.
Following are some more resources on Dealing with Bullies:
What about the Bully?
Bullying is born out of a false and destructive sense of self in relation to others and mismanaging the relationship with our own selves. What makes human beings distinct from the animal kingdom is man’s capacity to see and reach beyond ones own self and become one with others. What makes us unique in the universe is not the fact taht we can imagine a vast universe and unlimited potential but that in that vast space, we are as one with the rest of the universe specially with the rest of humanity who form the soul of all creation. We are created to know and to love. We are meant to be as cells of one body, flowers of one garden, waves of one sea, fruits of one tree. Without this experience of oneness we feel weak and scared and then attempt to make up man made ways of masking our fears and pretending we are strong and powerful. Without the sens of oneness, we become self destructive. A bully is a self destructive self born out of the ignorance of its need to be as one with the rest of humanity. Our sense perception is a physical power to make it possible for us to notice the many aspects of the material and ordinary life. But we have the potential to make an extraordinary sense of our relation with others and with the world around us if we are educated about this way of perceiving ourselves and then we can join others in celebration of this extraordinary and uniquely human experience.
Without reaching out of ourselves to connect with others as one, human beings will remain limited to their natural limitations they share with the rest of nature and specially with the animals. Most people have some degree of experience with this out of body sense of connection with others and they find it liberating, exhilarating, confirming of their sense of belonging and their sense of oneness with the rest of creation. Human being feel a sense of loving power when they are able to connect to another heart, feel as they feel, see as they see, hear as they hear, taste as they taste, and inhale the fragrances as they inhale and rejoice by the common experience of life. That is why in times of great significance, such as birthdays, weddings, funerals, and worship, we come together, sing together, eat together, pray together, and laugh and cry together. Man’s spiritual reality is about this togetherness, this experience of oneness, with self, with others and with the creator of the universe who has created us to know and love Him.
There is a great deal of wonderful information about what to teach our children and what to do ourselves to protect our children from bullies. But, bullies are also our children and we need to protect them from false and self destructive process of dividing with the hope of ruling. This education must start young and needs to be fortified with teaching universal values of oneness of all humanity from the moment they are conceived and the mother and father are preparing themselves to receive and educate their loved one. The community at large, the media and the village at large has a role and responsibility.
Is it enough to remove the child who is being bullied, from the pangs of an ignorant and violent bully but never wonder what about the poor bully? Is there someone assigned the task of taking the bully under their care and teach him/her the way of knowing and loving and how to gain strength by learning tools of relating with honor and dignity to others, looking with respect and honor to others, see their strength and rejoice in our collective ability to see the whole stronger than the individual parts?
As a psychotherapist who has worked with troubled children for one reason or another, I trust that the majority of them, by far, can be saved from themselves if we start young and teach them the principle of the oneness of all humanity and the many ways they can practice it at home and in public.
We must have a system of integrated education where we know how to protect all children from committing violence and being violated. I am looking forward to a time not too far from now, when we explore and create strategies about how to Educate all of our children for a world of harmony and progress together.
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